[Leon woke with a start, clutching his chest as his heart beat rapidly. A nightmare. What a nightmare he had. But no- that nightmare had been real yesterday. What a monster he’d become.]That’s not me!
[His voice is shaking, trying to convince himself of the fact.]I’m not my father- I won’t be like him! Not- Damn it, I did everything I could to become someone better than him,
different than him. I spent my whole life fighting for that cause! I would have never chosen the path he chose-
I could never use someone like that; I wouldn’t threaten someone’s life- not like that! How could I do that after he did it to me? That bastard killed my mother, and he threatened to kill Marian too if I didn’t obey for all of those years! I did everything I could to protect her my whole life, everything I possibly could-
Why would you throw that in my face? Why-
Is this some way of telling me that even the path I chose was the wrong one? Was I wrong in everything I did to save Marian-? I didn’t want to regret my methods, but…
I-
I could have saved her if I’d trusted Stahn, couldn’t I? If I’d let everyone help, innocent people wouldn’t have had to die. I wouldn’t have had to kill anyone-
And I-
I wouldn’t have had to die like that. Now Marian's waiting for me and I can’t even return to her-
Marian would have never tried to kill herself to free me- This could have all been avoided, if I’d just been more trusting-!
Why- why couldn’t I trust Stahn? He said we were friends, but I just couldn’t believe him. Even after all that time I spent with them, I was still just a stubborn brat. Everyone would have helped, why couldn’t I understand that then? Why was I so blind?
I tried to fix everything on my own. Just Chal and me- Why wasn’t I stronger? I couldn’t beat him, damn it! Am I really so weak? What the hell was I fighting for all these years? Even with Berselius, he shouldn’t have been able to win- so why wasn’t I strong enough?
Why… why was I his pawn my entire life? What was the point!? To do his dirty work and then die when he had no use for me anymore? What kind of fate is that-!
He used me, made me betray everyone, I didn’t want to- I didn’t think I had a choice. It was a
nightmare. But it was for Marian, everything was- why couldn’t I protect her better? Why didn’t I ask anyone for help, why didn’t I see that as an option? Even Chal saw it; I’m so stupid-! She wouldn’t have tried to hurt herself if I’d tried harder, fought harder-
I was useless. Utterly useless- I couldn’t protect her even after losing everything-
I couldn’t kill Hugo. Instead I gave him something even more powerful than Berselius. Damn it- what did I do to everyone? What did I- to Marian-
Damn it, I don’t deserve a second chance after the mistakes I made, why am I here!? My death was supposed to be a shred of retribution to them, but it isn’t worth even that if I’m here!
[ooc| Completely alright with action for roommates.]